If a man dares to be seen with a trans woman, he will likely lose social capital so he must adamantly deny, vehemently demean, trash and/or exterminate the woman in question.He must do this to maintain his standing in our patriarchal society.
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For a man to be associated with a trans women, in effect, is to say that he is no longer a “real” man (as if such a thing exists) because he sleeps with “fake” women (as if such a thing exists). As there are many kinds of women, there are many kinds of men, and many men desire many kinds of women, trans women are amongst these women. The shame that society attaches to these men, specifically attacking their sexuality and shaming their attraction, directly affects trans women. It amplifies our body-image issues, our self-esteem, our sense of possibility, of daring for greatness, of aiming for something or somewhere greater.
RELATED VIDEO: MSNBC’s Melissa Harris-Perry quotes this piece in her “Letter of Week” The comments and conversations surrounding hip-hop DJ Mister Cee’s sex scandal-turned-resignation has been appalling, and has led me to this essay, which isn’t about him soliciting sex from someone he perceived as a trans woman. If a young trans woman believes that the only way she can share intimate space with a man is through secret hookups, bootycalls or transaction, she will be led to engage in risky sexual behaviors that make her more vulnerable to criminalization, disease and violence; she will be led to coddle a man who takes out his frustrations about his sexuality on her with his fists; she will be led to question whether she’s worthy enough to protect herself with a condom when a man tells her he loves her; she will be led to believe that she is not worthy of being seen, that being seen heightens her risk of violence therefore she must hide who she is at all costs in order to survive.
There is a reason that guys on reddit have a saying that goes like this: “dont stick your dick in crazy.” There is also a reason that feminists have gotten so angry over young men and what young men say that they have created a very hostile troll group on reddit called Shit Reddit Says, or SRS.
This SRS group exists to do nothing more than attack MRAs and other young men and mock them.
As a under 30 millenial, I will tell you exactly why most of us have this outlook. Even if we grew up in families that weren’t divorced we were still latch key kids.
Not only did I, a little over a decade ago, have more friends with single mothers by choice but also with divorced parents than intact families I also went to school with girls and came of age during the grrl power of the 90s.We are not objects to have secret sex with, to discard and to laugh at on the radio or the gossip blogosphere.We are worthy of being seen and are not dirty or shameful.To put it simply: You can’t kick a dog and not expect it to eventually bite the hand that feeds.Guys of my generation have been kicked since we were puppies, and we were kicked constantly and from everyone who supposedly loved and cared for us.Those questions regarding Aaron’s sexuality are constant and fraught with assumptions that this essay can’t begin to unpack, and for a man less secure it can be difficult navigating these questions, especially if you also perceive the women you’re attracted to as shameful, as less-than-human objects you must keep secret at all costs.