Dear X (1) I just read your profile (2) and thought it was really great (3). Anyway, check out my profile (6) and see if you like what you read (7). (11) Here’s what’s wrong with this very simple, innocuous email that you’ve probably written (or received) 100 times. ” The crux of most email exchanges is taking something the other person did and saying, “Me, too”! ” Who would a woman rather go out with – the boring lunkhead who asks for her number before he’s had a chance to charm her, or the witty guy whose every email she anticipates with delight? And studies show that confidence and humor are the two most desirable qualities in both men AND women.
We don't want you to see this as a job interview, but you do have to make a good impression in 3 minutes, as well as learning as much as you can about your date.
Having another person show real interest is extremely flattering, so asking interesting speed dating questions should score good points with your date, but best of all, being well prepared with good questions will allow your dates to see you at your very best - relaxed, sociable and confidently out-going.
In my first email, I usually ask a few questions and figure the female will answer them, which they usually do, but then they don’t ask anything of me but still seem interested.
I may email again, saying, “If you want to know anything just ask”, etc. It’s that you probably haven’t given her a compelling reason to be. “So if a man can make you into a more engaging person by writing a witty first email, wouldn’t it make sense that you could turn a man into a more engaging person by doing the same?
6) You sound creepy if you don’t warm it up with a signature. You may be shocked how those same people become a lot more interested and interesting when you give them more to work with.
This probably sounds incredibly nitpicky, but it’s not. I’ve got two techniques for writing first emails that I describe in Finding the One Online.
If you’re going to write the same exact email as every single person on the dating site, you can’t be surprised when you get deleted quickly like junkmail. One is called Fun Fiction, in which you make up something silly based on a detail in the other person’s profile. You may think that this stuff doesn’t matter – that people only write back to the most attractive people no matter what.
So if everything you’ve been doing in your emails is ineffective – if everything that comes naturally to you is too dull – what ARE you to do? The other is called Opinion Openers, where, instead of stating a “me, too” fact (You like Bruce Springsteen? ), you offer your opinion – in which your personality shines through (Hey, if The Boss is from New Jersey, how come he sounds more like Woody Guthrie than Tony Soprano when he sings? So while I will acknowledge that being hot and stupid is more effective than being ugly and fascinating, the truth lies somewhere in between.
Be more interesting, and you’ll never have to wonder if there was anything else that you could do on your own behalf.
Seriously, my friend, this is a very do-able technique and I’ve helped hundreds of guys (and thousands of women) master online communication.
He asked her a silly question and started grilling her with more and more trivia questions, teasing her about what she might win if she got all the questions right. “It made me funny in response to him,” she replied. They’re just as boring as the ones that you received.