A typical example of this is illustrated by the argument that Mary A., aged twenty-six (one of six children whose father is still actively drinking), had with her boyfriend.
It erupted because he was paying attention to other women, and Mary got angry.
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This is a very, very critical self which has not had the nurturance it needed. No matter what you did to try to prevent it, it would happen anyway.
It is a hungry self and, in many ways, a very insecure self. Your needs would not be met until the drinking episode and any accompanying crises were over. Some children living in this situation continue trying to get their needs met, and others give up entirely.
This fear is present because you never clearly established your sense of self while you were growing into adulthood.
The early messages that you received from your parents were very confusing.
This is caused by the fact that you never knew when, or if, your parents would be emotionally available to you. Those children who give up entirely are not as anxious to enter into adult relationships as are those who still hold onto the fantasy that maybe, just maybe, this time things will be different.
The constant fear, however, is that the person you love will not be there for you tomorrow.Truthfully, you will have to answer "no." ACOA Myth "If you find out that I am not perfect, you will abandon me." TRUTH: Nobody is perfect. Fear of Abandonment Fear of abandonment is very strong in ACOAs and differs from the fear of rejection.Adult children of alcoholics seem to be able to handle rejection and adjust to it.Fear of abandonment, however, cuts a lot deeper because of childhood experiences.The child who experiences living with alcoholism grows into an individual with a weak and very inconsistent sense of self, as we have already discussed.ACOA Myth "If you really knew me, you wouldn't care about me." Truth: You probably aren't as good an actor or actress as you think you are. Although it's a little vague to you about just who that real and horrendous person may be, you still feel the anxious feelings very strongly.